How To End Terrorism

I can solve the problem.

I have a plan.

We will no longer need Homeland Security, Gitmo, The Czar of the Day, and possibly even the DOD.


Before going into the details of my scheme, let me state two things. 

First of all, the pseudonyms contained herein were bestowed upon the subjects by his mother, and her boyfriends mother.  I am merely carrying on what was started before me.  As such, Susan Dear Susan's son Levi will heretofore be known as "Twist Off," and his lovely girlfriend will be known as "Pop Top."

Secondly, let me say that we are all enamoured with Pop Top.  She is quite a hunny, and puts forth the best of what Texas Gals otta be...she is cute, smart, funny, courageous, and tough as nails (in a good way.)  The only chink we can find is that she appears to really like Twist Off.  Which is great, because, well, ya know, WE love him, but then WE HAVE to. 

I would also like to make it known to Pop Top, that as a sign of my affection and sympathy, i did not use the camera that i brought and had sitting on the table all day long.  I have not included pictures to help document my story, in the effort to help conceal your identity.  I haven't even done that for my own family!!

So i am telling this story with love.   Welcome to the family, Pop Top!!

Yesterday, Ellie May and i went to Susan's for the start of the Big Butchering Bonanza, which Twist Off came down to help with.  Am thinking he felt sorry for us after we told him about the two fat, menopausal women trying to hoist the lamb carcass up the tree last time. 

Twist Off brought his girlfriend home to "Meet Mom," and she got the double pleasure of meeting the "whole famn damily," which she handled graciously. 

Especially under the circumstances.

BACKGROUND INFO:  Susan grows these tiny little peppers she calls "Thai Peppers."  I don't know what they are.  Don't care.  They don't need a name, just a spot in the National Defense Plan.  They are about an inch long, and red or green, depending on age.  Susan makes a stock pot of chili and drops ONE of these chilies, whole, into the pot to give it fire.  It is discarded when chili is cooked, kinda like a bay leaf. These are dangerous little firecrackers, and Susan says she has never seen anyone actually EAT one. She gave me three of these little dudes last year, i used one and it just about killed my kids, so i let the others dry.  Haven't had the nerve to use them.  They are in a jar around here somewhere with a bio hazard sticker on them. 

So Twist Off and Pop Top arrive at Susan Dear Susan's late in the evening.  Family comes together after a long journey, and all are in celebration mode.  In the interest of keeping the story honest, because y'all KNOW i don't embroider my stories, it must be stated that adult beverages were involved, although Susan assures me that no one got trashed.  Just loosened up and laughing and having fun.

In the wee hours, for a reason unclear to me at this time, someone opened a jar of Susan's peppers.  Pop Top grabs one and takes a bite of it, turns red, and says, "Wow, those are hot, look I'm sweating!"  Then eats the other half.

Then she ate another one.

For those of you that are counting, that is Two.

Please refer to earlier mention that Susan has never seen anyone actually EAT one.

By the time Ellie and i got there, early in the morning, Pop Top wasn't feeling too well.

She was such a good sport, made a great showing, but it was way obvious that she wasn't at  her best.

Over the course of the morning, we were getting reports from Twist Off about the state of the state, which were not good, and periodically, Pop Top would come out to be social and friendly.  A real trooper.  I was quite impressed.  We all swapped stories, laughed at and with Pop Top, and kinda got to know her, within the confines of her present situation.

We love her.

Now, here is how we solve the terrorism thing.

Send all suspects to Queenacres for interrogation.

Turns out Pop Top just got out of the military three months ago.

Did a tour in Afghanistan.  Didn't phase her.

Did a TDY in Iraq.  Was injured in an explosion, but that hasn't stopped her.

But twelve hours with the Queens, and she went to the mat.